New to the list:
It struck me odd that I felt compelled to write about this milestone. It had little to do with my health but more to do with what I enjoy. I recall that stunned feeling when the hospital discharge instructions said "no driving". Say what??? Okay, whatever... (They obviously were not aware of my acquiring red just a few days before my surgery.)
It took a day or two before I began discerning the different things I was feeling. The first day felt more like one big train wreck. I hadn't taken inventory, heck, I didn't even know I needed to take inventory of what worked and what didn't. As the days passed, I learned to distinguish between the head pressure, the nose pain, the neck pain, the soreness from the lumbar drain, the discomfort of the urethral catheter, and sleep deprivation.
First on the list was the headache and/or head pressure. This was to be expected and it supposedly will pass. My nose it tender at the location of the surgery but it rather blends in with the pain around my forehead. It can be described as an extreme headache but isn't localized to just the area of surgery. The pressure seems to encompass my entire head. The upside is that you have at your disposal a variety of drugs to control the "comfort".
Next is the neck pain. It reared it's ugly head on the very first day and is above everything else, the thing I feel the most. The only relief is to lay down and not move. Turning to one side or the other doesn't help. It's best to just lie still, face up. No amount of drugs contains it. If I lie still and try to rest, the intensity does pass. My doctor ordered an MRI of my spine to see if there something visibly wrong. In terms of pain or discomfort, I was well enough to go home as long as I remained laying down. Upon sitting up, however, the pain becomes overwhelming after about 5 mins.
Next is my sense of smell. My ENT came in 2 days after my surgery to remove the "packing" in my nose. Up to that point, I could not breathe through my nose. When he removed these gargantuan cylindrical gauze pads, it was like two large wind tunnels were opened up that led straight to the my throat. Never have I been able to breathe so freely through my nose before (or since). The removal of the pads themselves were uncomfortable but it went quickly and I think I had enough pain meds in me to take the sting out of any direct pain. Despite the ability to breathe freely, I did not notice any particular smell. In fact, it wasn't until well over a week later that I began to smell anything at all. And when I did begin, the smell was ammonia. I'm not sure what to make of it but I have other more pressing things to worry about.
Next is the distorted voices. I noticed this, mostly coming from the TV, during my stay in the hospital. It's subtle and I didn't think much of it at first. In fact, I rather dismissed it as possibly a defective speaker in the hospitals TV speaker. Upon returning home, it continued and I've asked others if they hear the same distortion but they do not. It sounds very similar to a distorted computer voice. I'm sure if I revisited computer movies made back in the 80's I could find the voice. There was one with Matthew Broderick where a computer wants to "play a game". That's the voice, it mostly comes from the TV but sometimes I'll hear it in my wife and kids voices.
Last on the list is a stabbing pain in my left ribcage which started the day after coming home from the hospital. I don't know what to make of this yet and I haven't had an opportunity to talk to my doctor about it. It it precisely located underneath my arm, about even with my nipple, and it is sensitive to direct pressure. The weight of my chest when I walk aggrivates it and I seem to able to avoid the pain by just supporting my left pectorial with my hand.
Well, that's it. During my recovery, the nurses made sure to check that I had my strength and sensation in my both my arms and legs (which I do). I can hear from both ears evenly(?), I can see directly and peripherally and my eyes dialate when light is introduced. I'm urinating the correct amount of volume so diabetes is no longer a topic of concern, my bowels are working (albeit stubbornly). I'm eating and sleeping.
Just taking this simple inventory, I'm again reminded that there are so many functions that our bodies perform naturally by miraculous design. I'm watching the Beijing Olympics and I'm observing these highly tuned, trained athletes. Talk about perfection, talk about ochestrating perfect harmony, talk about miraculous design. As I said before, our bodies are highly complex and as an engineer, I wish we were given the devine blueprints. That would eliminate a lot of the guesswork and I am convinced more than ever that our doctors are employing nothing more than educated guesswork.
Read full post!The next day was full of progress.
My merciless nurse, Agnes, was gone for the day and Beth had returned with sunshine and a strong desire to make me feel better. Again I didn't feel like I needed much but she checked on me just the same.
It occurred to me late in the morning that I hadn't eaten at all the previous day and I thought I should start eating something. Not because I was hungry but I knew I needed to eat something to maintain my weight. I asked if I was being fed through the IV and they said it was just a saline solution to keep me hydrated. Okay, how about some food? Yes, of course, how does yogurt sound? Steak sounds much better. With a sly grin Beth left and returned with covered plate... To my surprise, it was yogurt. It turns out she's evil too, she just pretends to be nice.
Overall I felt pretty good. I didn't take any pain medication until about 11am. As far as I know I went all evening without any pain meds. Once I began taking Percoset at 4 hour intervals I soon noticed that the last hour of those interval were the most difficult as my head and neck would begin to hurt as the medication wore off. We got in the routine of using morphine near the third hour to keep the pain at bay.
A different nurse came in about the middle of the day to take me for my walk. I felt like I had aged forty years and I had immediate visions of what I'd be like when I'm 80 years old, all hunched over, walking slowly, carrying my urine bag. The walk was good however. I was surprised to see that I could stand on my own. I kept my balance without too much trouble and the only thing that felt uncomfortable was my catheter. (Curse the guy who invented catheters...)
Thankfully my mom was with me during my hospital stay and she helped me pass the day telling stories and allowing me to pontificate on my many random subjects. Watching the Beijing (pronounced Bei-Jing) Olympics was great for a while but hearing about Michael Phelps over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, ad nauseum when you include the re-runs, got old. He's a stud, we get it.
My wife and kids also came to visit that evening. Since I was a neuro patient, I had a room to myself and not subject to normal visiting hours. That meant my mom could stay with me overnight and the rest of my family was able to come by after school /football /showers /dinner /etc. It was a nice diversion and made for good conversation. My boyz are the light of my life and I love them to death but when you have a headache, 8 & 9 year old boyz in an 8'x10' room with nothing to do can find your nerves very quickly. These two handsome little devils need to be outside, all the time. And as much as I love to wrestle with them, I just couldn't do it right then. Play time would have to wait.
The symptoms I experienced were very subtle as I was experiencing them and they didn't occur all at once. In the early years I had no trouble explaining what was happening and even considered it to be well within the realm of "normal" but over time it became harder and harder to explain. Also when viewed over time, the changes seemed drastic and seemingly occurred over night. It consisted of the following:
The first symptom I noticed (and welcomed) was the unusual muscle growth as I approached my 40's. I had long since given up on the notion that I could look like Arnold Schwartzenegger. Though every man I suspect wants to look and feel stronger, I resolved myself to looking athletic rather than muscular. As a youth and even into my adult life, my physique was slight bordering on different stages of thin. Going to the gym was a good way to stay in shape but I clearly could not compete with the typical patrons. My weight fluctuated just like everyone else but it usually stayed within 5-6 lbs of 142. I'm only 5'10" and have an elfin build. Prior to these events, I typically weighed between 138 - 148 lbs. There were only two occassions in my adult life where I exceeded 150 lbs and they involved very seditary changes which allowed my weight to climb to 155 lbs. But once I resumed my normal activity, I reverted right back to my pre-determined range.
I began to see unusual results in the gym during the summer of 2004. It had been exceptionally hot that summer and I had stopped running as a result. I dismissed the improvements as typical variations since I had recently altered my workout. These improvements continued however and my weight began to climb. Within 3-4 months, I went from 148 lbs to 178 lbs, that's 30 lbs of muscle, meanwhile my waiste size remained at the usual 30". It was the first time ever that I could look in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I received comments from my friends which did nothing more than acknowledge that I frequented the gym. The 8 years prior to that, it largely went unnoticed. As I mentioned, it was a welcomed change and certainly nothing I wanted to label unnatural.
It just so happened that around this time that my daughters (all three of them) went to work for Cold Stone Creameries for the summer. They would routinely bring home ice cream and I had gotten into the "habit" of topping off dinner with a pint of the flavor of the day -- every night. At first I was concerned that it might lead to excessive weight around the middle but my waiste stayed the same and everything else just kept growing. My chest, arms, legs, hands and feet simply kept getting larger. Interestingly enough, my proportions remained the same, almost like a pre-destined thing, just bigger. Again, a welcomed change and another point of rationalization. At the time I thought I had unlocked the key to my body and that my metabolism just needed more calories to compensate for what I naturally burned.
The rest occurred later or at least wasn't noticed until much later. The next thing I noticed was my facial features. It wasn't until 2006, approximately two years after the growth started that I noticed that my facial features had begun to change. It was a photo I saw where I appeared exceptionally haggard. I retook the picture thinking that it was just bad lighting but the same mug showed up. What a shock! Could I really look that bad??? Evidently I did and I looked decidedly older. This was in direct contrast to my otherwise normally youthful appearance. My smaller frame was easily and consistently mistaken for someone 5-10 years younger than I really was. Again, the change was welcomed. In the business world, it helps to at least look your age when establishing your credibility and experience.
It was in this same year that my mom had also commented on my hair. She asked if I had gotten a permanent. A what? Do guys do that anymore??? I had no explanation for it but instead just accepted it as growing older. After all I had just turned 40, my dad had curly hair so perhaps it was just in the genes.
It wasn't until later in 2007 that I noticed that usual my hats didn't fit anymore. These were the same fixed-sized hats that I had been wearing for years as an adult. You tend to grow attached to them after a while. Inescapable was how large my brow had become. It was noticeably larger and ridged now, almost ape-like.
Another symptom which I summarily dismissed was my need for sleep. It was like going through puberty again. (Do you remember that summer where you slept for 10-12 hours and grew overnight?) As an adult, my usual sleeping habits called for 6.5 - 7.5 hrs a night. No more, no less. If I was tired, I slept a little longer, if not, it was shorter, but always inside that range. Then all of sudden I'm sleeping 9-10 hours! If I didn't get over 8 hours of sleep, I would start falling asleep at work. It was most embarrassing during meetings when I'd start nodding off right there in front of everyone. I eventually just found that it was easier to stand during these meetings to keep me awake and save myself continual embarrassment.
Ironically despite these things, I still had no cause to think that anything was wrong. It wasn't until the end of 2007 that my annoyance with changes in my bite that I finally thought to go see a dentist. My only motive for going was to see about getting braces again. My rear molars no longer made contact with each other and my bottom teeth were now extending beyond my uppers. It was annoying to be sure but as for alarm, I still had not connected these changes as being related.
It was the dentist that redirected me to an MD. After the general checkup, he had no other recommendation than a teeth cleaning. I had grown so accustomed to my impacted molar speech that I inquired about it when I didn't get one. What impacted molars? The ones that had been there since I was in high school, the same ones that every dentist I had ever seen recommends I remove without fail to prevent long term problems. What do you mean what impacted molars? A quick review of the x-rays showed that I no longer had impacted wisdom teeth. Go figure! (So I guess I right to leave them in after all these years.) Well, what about my bite? We discussed my braces in high school and he suggested that maybe my jaw was growing. Is that it? Well, no, you should probably see a regular MD as that's not normal. Oh, okay.
It was early 2008 when I finally scheduled a visit with my primary physician and thankfully, he took the office visit seriously. I must admit to feeling rather silly about scheduling an office visit to discuss "jaw bone growth". Even more silly as we went through the usual questions about anything being wrong. My prior physicals didn't yield anything other than you are the epitome of health and this visit wasn't any different. My eyes, ears, temperature, weight(?) and reflexes are all normal. "So you say your jaw is growing?" Well, no, not really. I don't know that it's growing, I just know that my teeth have been moving. "Uhum, I see." It all felt very silly. But he followed his procedures which led to the test for growth hormones (GH) which then led to the CT scan which reveiled the tumor.
Looking back, it all made sense but hindsight is 20-20.
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